Date: Sunday, October 28, 2007
Posted at: 8:17 PM

I want a change.
I want freedom.
I dont nid absolute freedom,
but just more freedom will do.
I just dont get my mom.
Wad is it that she wants frm me?
Before my major exams,
she said no going out.
But school holidays r exceptions.
Okayy, that's perfectly fine by me.
Not perfectly but yeah, its okayy.
After my major exams,
i still cant hang out.
I seriously dont get her.
Y cant i hang out wid my frens?
When i ask her, she says she doesnt hv time for those stuff.
I dont nid her time to hang out wid my frens, do i?
She cant drive, so my dad has to send me.
So which part of her effin time im using?

She hates me going online.
She hates me watching dramas.
She hates me going out.
She hates me watching tv.

So, wad am i suppose to do after my major exams?
Isnt tis de time cto enjoy & relax?
After months & months of hardwork?

I know i hv to work hard for next year.
Form 4, 16 years old.
Its not a honeymoon year.
The change in studies is so big.
& im gonna work extra hard.
Dat's y im trying to enjoy as much as i can right now.
Y cant she understand dat?

I hate being cooped up at home every single day.
My mom cant drive as i've mentioned.
She goes to work in de morning & comes back in de evening.
So is my dad.
My sis & i stay home alone everyday.
We dont get along well.
We quarrel most of de time.
I do chores at home because i hv to help my mom.
She asks to get ready those ingredients to cook for dinner from work.
So i'll do de work she tells me.
My sis doesnt listen to me at all.
She talks back to me all de time.
I hv to do everything in de house when my mom's not around.
Even when she's around.
Wad about my sis?
My mom apparently thinks dat a 12 year old girl is too YOUNG to do chores.
Although i do grumble & complain but de thing i hv to do,
but i'll still do it.
My mom doesnt see wad i've done.
She just sees wad i didnt do.

I go to school because it is de only time of de day dat i enjoy.
I laugh wid my frens, i talk to them.
My friends light up my life.
I love all my friends.
They r truly de reason behind my smiles.

When do i go out?
Grocery shopping.
In GIANT.
& dat's all.

I want to further my studies to Aussie.
Working very hard to get a scholarship.
Reason?
To get far far away from my family.
So dat they can know wad's life without me.
Or maybe, they just wont even care.
But i really do wanna study in Aussie.

I've been in effin bad mood for de past 2 days.
I cant talk to any of my family members.
Once they talk to me, i snap.
I didnt really talk to my frens either.
I had not smile for 2 days now.
I just find it so hard to smile nowadays.

Sometimes, i feel dat i just dont want to live anymore.
More so often now i ask myself, y do i exist?
I've thought of suicide many many times.
Slitting my wrist?
I dont hv de guts to do it.
But i dont think so i'll do it.
I hv so many yet to be accomplished things in life.
So, i wont end it just yet.